Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
