see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
