Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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