are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
