Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
