He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
