I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
