I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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