i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
