It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
