Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Where is the hickey?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
