Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
