I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
