I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
and she was petting her beer can
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
