Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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