I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
