They should really pass out barf bags in church
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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