just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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