well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
