Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
