you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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