I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
