You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
this boner is exhausting
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
