My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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