Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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