Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
