Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
