Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
