I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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