I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
