Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
