Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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