I wanna bring you to show and tell
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
