my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
