What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
