Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
