i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
