Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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