Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
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Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
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There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!