And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you made out with another girl for some wings
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?