just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
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just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
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You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie