You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....