I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
never play flip cup with pint glasses
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.