There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
