genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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