im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
