Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
