Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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