I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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