There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
