It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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