I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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