He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
