she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Please, let me fuck your mom
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
