Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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