He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
