and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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