I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
