tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
