I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
