I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
