I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am naked and annoyed.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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