I look better un-naked...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...