pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
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Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?