I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything