My friends, they love my intelligence
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.