i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
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You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.