Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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