I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
