His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
