I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
