I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
me + whiskey = a bad person
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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