If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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