fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
