Her vagina should come with caution tape.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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