After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
