clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
