So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
cat food counts as protein by the way
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
