Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i believe in u and ur pee
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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