Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
