I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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