I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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