Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
